Sex and Relationships

Everything about sex & relationships

Choosing the partner

I want my girlfriend to be kind.

One of my friends is dealing with an ex-boyfriend who is stalking her photos on the internet. Even worse, he was only with her because of sex.

Choosing the right partner will create the foundation for a happy and successful life.
How can you tell if he or she is the “right one”?
At the beginning of a relationship, you are in a phase of erotic fascination. People are almost literally “drunk” on love. This phase is particularly strong in young adults and as a result, they aren't always able to recognize warning signals in their partner. Typically, they're trying to ensure your partner is attracted to them and is happy in the relationship. Unfortunately, as we are often times blind in love, young adults may not be able to understand why their parents or friends don't love their partner they way they do. Instead of trying to see why people around them are not sure of their choice of partner, they take the advice personally and think that their family/friends don't want them to be happy. In extreme cases, young adults have even run away from home with their partners.
However, if you were to consult an expert on the topic, they would also tell you to not underestimate your partner's flaws. Often times, undesirable characteristics become even more pronounced with age and then your partner will show their true colors. They may even try to mask these traits, but only time will be able to show you, who they really are and if they are the “right one”. Even after years of knowing your partner, you can't ever be completely sure they won't change. Change doesn't have to be the end of the relationship, but you should always realize and think about a change in character as soon as it happens. Don't let yourself be manipulated by your partner and if things don't work out, don't feel embarrassed. The flaws you see or saw at the beginning of the relationship, when your chemistry is the strongest, will only get worse, as the relationship continued. So, it is important to consider if it is worth staying with someone, especially if red flags are coming up at the beginning of the relationship.
Just as you must carefully consider, whether a partner is the right one for you, you should also be picky when choosing who to have sex with. You should only have sex with your partner when you are 100% sure this person is the right one and that you are in a committed long term relationship. These standards are especially important for your first time! Your first time should be with someone you really care about, trust, and see a future with.

People on the internet

Be careful with who you make friends with on the internet, who you communicate with, and who you trust.
It's fairly common for a younger girl to befriend another girl online. However, when they decide to meet face to face, instead of another girl coming, a 50 year old man with perverted intentions shows up.

on the interet

in real life

You should also be wary of sharing intimate photographs. A current boyfriend may share them without your consent after you break up OR an angry friend could send them around, just to spite you.

Bullying and Relationships in Groups

If someone is hurting you verbally or physically, AWLAYS confide in an adult you trust.

Family as a Foundation

Family is the foundation of society. You should continue to grow and develop the relationships within your own family and the family you will make with your partner.

A family is a team where everyone plays their own important role, which is indispensable. You cannot be replaced within your family.

Your family is dependable, is your home, and your support system.
Sometimes, your parents or siblings may annoy you, but they will always love you, want the best for you, and will help you out of tight situations. You can always come to family with your problems.
They may be angry or worried at first, but they will advise you nevertheless.

Being in Love and Love

When are you in love?
When you feel onto of the world with her and want to spend all of your time with her. But remember! Don't rush things when you're head over heels in love. Wait a bit until getting engaged, until your love is strong and true.
Wait for the honeymoon period to end. After this, you will either realize that your relationship is just as strong, or that you see many flaws in your partner. Don't ignore these flaws. Ask yourself right away, what kind of person your partner is.
If she is moody, intolerable, jealous, arrogant, will you be able to stay with her for the rest of your life?

Sexual Orientation

Heterosexual, boy and girl

Homosexual/Lesbian, two girls

Homosexual/Gay, two boys

“Coming out” is when a homosexual girl or boy realizes their sexual orientation and shares it with their loved ones.

Transsexual individuals believe that their birth sex does not represent who they truly are. They feel to be the opposite sex and live their lives as such.

There are also people who dress as the opposite sex, but aren't necessarily transsexual.

Asexual individuals are uninterested in sex.

Celibacy, present in certain religions, forbids sex.

Nowadays, there's many more gender identities than the ones mentioned. The identities mentioned here are the most basic and known for the longest.


Ovulation is the event, when a mature egg is released from the ovary. The days before and after ovulation, about half way through a menstrual cycle, are the days when you are most likely to get pregnant. This period of time is often referred to as, the fertile window. Your chances of getting pregnant while having unprotected sex increase as you get closer to ovulating. It is much less likely that you will get pregnant right before your period or right after it. However, a woman can never be certain if there is a pregnancy risk while having unprotected sex. It is possible to ovulate outside of your fertile window and therefore get pregnant.
Can I predict when I will ovulate?

Ovulation can be identified by a laboratory test from your saliva and at home using a testing kit from the pharmacy. Your gynecologist can also tell you if you are ovulating, by using an ultrasound.

Mark ovulation in your menstrual calendar with an arrow. It is likely you will ovulate (in reality) the day before your body temperature rises half a degree or the first day your temperature beings to rise.

Sex Without Intercourse

necking and petting

When you realize, that your girlfriend could be the one, you can then begin to explore intimacy.

Kissing, cuddling, or touching with your hands, lips, or tongue, basically any activities from the waist up are called necking. These can be a part of foreplay without involving the genitals.

Once you start to touch the reproductive organs, we call this petting or activities below the waist.

Sexual Intercourse and Orgasm

You become aroused prior to having sexual intercourse through petting and necking. Arousal in women causes lubrication of the vagina, increased blood flow and relaxation of the vagina, and erect nipples. In men, arousal is manifested by erection and secretion of the pre ejaculate

You may also experience butterflies in your stomach, especially if this is a new relationship.

Other places that may arouse your partner include the ear lobes, neck, nipples, hips, clotoris in women, anus, scrotum, and the glans of the penis in men.

As they become aroused, both partners will feel their heart rate increase, their breathing will depend, and blood pressure will rise.

After foreplay, initial arousal, and the preparation of the reproductive organs, -lubrication of the vagina and erection of the penis- the next step in sexual intercourse is to insert the penis into the vagina.

As the penis is rubbed against the vaginal wall, a woman will experience increased arousal, until she experiences an orgasm.

Women will also feel rhythmic contractions of the uterus and pelvic floor. Some women may experience a wet orgasm. Men will also feel rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor until the urethra releases the sperm.

After an orgasm, arousal gradually decreases and you become less sensitive- especially in men. They will lose their erection and are unable to become aroused for a period of time. This time interval is individual for each man.

The Hymen

The hymen is a membranous tissue that is found just inside the opening of the vagina. The hymen can only be damaged mechanically, most often during sexual intercourse. Some girls may also stretch their hymen when using tampons or during masturbation. Other girls may have such a strong hymen, that it is worn down gradually.
Tearing, or more precisely, wearing down of the hymen can cause bleeding and pain, but this doesn't have to happen at all! During intercourse, it is important for a women to be maximally relaxed before the penis enters the vagina.

Left: Intact hymen

Right: Hymen after birth

Does a Woman Experience an Orgasm Every Time She Has Sex? Can You Have an Orgasm at the Same Time?

Women don't always have to have an orgasm and most don't experience it during sexual intercourse itself. Women become aroused slower than men and may experience an orgasm after petting. Most women experience a climax during stimulation of the clitoris, this is during foreplay. However, she will still feel intense pleasure during intercourse itself. Sometimes, if one parter is going to orgasm before the other, they can try to delay their orgasm so that they will experience it together.

Problems and Pain During Your First Time

Such a long erection is possible only in porn

Or this could be a condition called priapism, an erection that lasts several hours without sexual arousal, which requires immediate medical attention.

When you have sex for the first time, you are just beginning to explore what you like and what your partner likes. Don't judge physical compatibility by your first sexual experience with a partner. Communication is key in this department to ensure that both have the best possible experience. After all, sex is an important way to express your love for the other person.
The most common problem for couples who are just starting to have sex is premature ejaculation and loss of erection. When the penis is not erect, it cannot be inserted into the vagina. Or, one of the partners may be nervous which prevents sexual intercourse from occurring at all. Most couples are able to resolve these speed bumps by the second or third try. However, if you are unable to have sexual intercourse by the third try, you should make an appointment at your gynecologist. The doctor will be able to determine, if there is a serious cause, like an anatomical abnormality such as an impenetrable hymen etc. If you are experiencing problems with lubrication, you can buy gels that help to moisten the vagina. Just be careful to check that the gel can be used with a condom, not all gels are intended for such use.
If a man cannot have an erection, he suffers from impotence. This condition can be first treated by a urologist who can also recommend other specialists. Impotence doesn't have to be caused by a physical problem, there can also be a psychological one. The body always reflects the state of the mind and vice versa, so make sure to take care of both.

Problems and Pain During Your First Time

Pain during sex (for a woman) can have an obvious cause, like inflammation in the vagina or endometriosis. Older woman may experience pain during intercourse due to insufficient lubrication of the genitals during sex. However, the cause can also be psychological.
It is important to identify the cause for the pain and fix it. If the cause is psychological, you can seek advice at a psychologist's or sexologist's office.
The goal of sexual intercourse isn't to “get through it” for your partner. NO! Sexual intercourse is meant to be a beautiful experience that brings you closer together. If you encounter any problems while having sex, tell your partner and seek help as soon as possible.

Sex Positions

Most common, or missionary position

Every couple has different positions they prefer. Especially for women, the contact between the reproductive organs may be more exciting in certain positions.
Movement is also important during sexual intercourse. Women have a better sexual experience with a strong pelvic floor. These are the muscles that are organized in a bowl like fashion in the pelvic area. A functional pelvic floor is also important for correct body posture, helps women to be continent. The pelvic floor muscles are often weakened after birth and for this reason, some women may become incontinent meaning they aren't able to control their bladder. You can find some exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor in the chapter about exercise.

Pelvic floor in women